I spent the first 23 years of my life growing up in Nigeria and in-case you haven’t heard, Life in a third world country can feel like trying to survive the hunger games without sponsors or any training. Pretty intense.

From constant insecurity and lack of basic necessities, to oppressive cultural realities. The daily challenges either break your wings, or force you to fly by embarking on a journey of mental rehabilitation – which is the path that led me here.

Personal development has always been my thing and I can’t say that I’ve arrived. But mental and spiritual growth helped me accept my circumstances, get through the days, while giving me the courage to dream about something better and proactively work towards it.

Whether you’ve packed your bags, ready to begin your incredible journey of personal growth. Or you’ve been on this rocky terrain for a while with barely any supplies left. Here are six uncomfortable truths about personal growth that will amplify your awareness, validate your experiences and help you stay the course because you’re in for one hell of a sweet ride.

1. Freedom = Responsibility

If you want to be free from your past, trauma or any other weight you’ve been carrying, then the price of freedom is taking absolute and unwavering responsibility for yourself, your choices and your life’s circumstances.

Doesn’t matter how you got here; what matters is what you’re choosing to do with the hand you’ve been dealt so far.

Realizing that nobody is coming to save you is both scary and liberating.

Because, you may not know what it’ll cost you to heal, but knowing you have the power to change your life – if you choose to do the impactful work – is where the shift begins.

Freedom = responsibility.

2. Be ready to be broken down (and put together again)

If you’re asking God to help you grow in patience, you won’t wake up one day and be super patient with your partner’s annoying habits, your family’s constant drama, or the endless frustrations of life.

Rather, God, the universe, or source (whichever you want to call it) will send you the craziest situations that will test your patience and force you to learn from experience.

Whatever parts of yourself you’re actively working on, expect to be tested on so many levels, to give you enough opportunities to practice until you really get it.

When this happens, growth will not come from avoiding.

Rather, growth will come from being radically kind to yourself, paired with constant self-reflection.

This will help you see through the pain/discomfort, engage it head on and choose differently each time – so you can learn the lesson and move on to the next stage of growth.

Remember, life will never send you anything you cannot handle, so trust yourself and the process.

Be ready to be broken down (and put together again)

3. It’s survival of the adaptable

A flexible mindset is non-negotiable on this journey of personal growth, and it starts with questioning everything.

As we grow up, we copy our parents, friends, environment and paste their beliefs, aspirations, opinions and expectations into our own lives - as if they were our own.

But the mindset that served you when you were 15 and blaming everyone for your mistakes, will most likely not serve you as a 33 year old woman blaming mercury retrograde for your life choices.

This means in order to grow up, to live authentically and unapologetically you; you’ll have to let go of any rigid beliefs, or ways of being you’ve been holding on to for dear life and adapt to the version of you, that you need right now to thrive.

Question everything, dig beneath the "that’s just how I am" comments, because with personal growth;

It’s survival of the adaptable.

4. Personal growth is for life honey!

Spoiler alert! There’s no finish line when it comes to self-improvement.

You don’t get a certificate of completion at the end of this saying "Congratulations! You’ve graduated from a neurotic overthinker to a level headed precision master".

Life is in phases and this means that your self-development will continue to evolve in ways that inch you closer to the optimized version of you – the one that’s locked and loaded, ready to handle the next wild thing life wraps in a bow for you.

And the good news is that as we constantly work on ourselves, it gets relatively easier navigating the transitions – because we know the drill and have built the operating systems necessary to overcome.

Personal growth is for life honey!

5. Regressions are inevitable

You could have sworn you’ve let go of the trauma from your toxic ex. Yet here you are on a random Tuesday afternoon 4 years later, fighting back the tears at the thought of the damage you sustained.

I promise you this is all a normal and inevitable part of ‘doing the meaningful work on yourself.’

And those precious moments, when we feel like nothing has changed, they remind us how far we’ve come.

They point us towards aspects of us that still need some tweaking/upgrades, and show us the way forward – if we open ourselves up to the lesson and not latch on to the perceived ‘regression’ as utter failure.

You’ll always be a work in progress and sometimes you have to take 2 steps back in order to shoot forward.

When you fall down, imagine yourself as a baby learning how to walk, who will fall and fumble many times until one day it just clicks and you’ll walk without support. Baby steps literally.

Regressions are inevitable.

6. Brace yourself to lose something(s)

As you reset, release, cry, regress and and re-build yourself back together like legos, be prepared to lose something or somethings.

Some old friends, family members, careers, beliefs, even parts of you that seemed like the foundation of your whole identity.

At some point it’ll feel like the world you know is turning to ashes, and there’s nothing left for you to hold on to.

I promise you, this is all part of the growing pains and it’s okay.

When this happens, it’s important to not panic and try to go back to the old and released, because you’ll only prolong your suffering.

But right there on the heap of all that has burned down, is where new life grows.

New relationships, grounding beliefs, healthier habits, smoother responses to your life experiences, more grace, inner peace, connection to life and with the whole you, a purpose driven you.

You’ll know you’ve passed this stage when holding on to your old life, feels worst than the pain of moving forward and you feel tons lighter once you've let go.

Brace yourself to lose something(s)

Bottomline

You should be so proud of yourself for waking up to your life, and choosing to pro-actively do something about the parts of you that need some engaging work.

It’s definitely not easy, it’s painful, sometimes unbearable, because change takes time and consistent effort.

But one day you’ll notice that it doesn’t hurt as much, you’re sleeping better, and you’re no longer reactive to your life, but responsive in a way that aligns with your values.

Remember, freedom means taking responsibility for yourself and being ready to be broken down, and put together again. In this game of personal growth, it’s survival of the adaptable and while this journey is for life and regressions are inevitable, you have everything you need to do the work and come out the other side as the new and improved you.

These are the rewards that make life meaningful and serve you well into the future until the next one.

As always, I stay rooting for you.

Self-improvement enthusiast, CBT therapist, with 4 years of experience helping people prioritize their mental health and reclaim their lives. Basilia uses her proven system for retraining the mind, offering practical tools that help people become the version of themselves they need to joyfully thrive, not just survive. It's okay to lean on me.

Basilia Frankel

Good Old Therapy I CBT

About the Author:

Your next read