After yet another hectic day, with my kids finally in bed for the night, I was spending my “me time” scrolling on YouTube when I stumbled upon a video by Gary economics with the title ‘how to get rich’.

Of course, I clicked on it and to my surprise he didn’t lay out the typical step-by-step plan to get rich, with links to paid courses like other ‘YouTubers’ do, instead he honestly said;

“The most effective way to get rich in the world we live in today, is to have a rich dad and if you don’t, try again.” “Unfortunately for most people, the idea of getting rich is an illusion because the system is rigged to keep the 1% richer and the rest of us poorer, anxious and feeling like failures which makes us easier to control”.

As his antidote to the whole mess, he went on to say; “You can always work hard to improve your financial situation, but a major mindset shift is letting go of the self-judgement and shame around finances and falling behind. This way the system may take your wealth, but it doesn’t get to take your dignity.” Wow!

I found this perspective interesting and this got me thinking about how a lot of us beat ourselves blue black for not being as financially secure as we hoped. And how this goes on to affect our mental health in ways we may not realize.

It may show up as that nagging headache that won't go away, the irritability you can't quite explain, or the exhaustion that eight hours of sleep doesn't fix.

You might find yourself snapping at your partner over something small like chewing too loud, avoiding social situations, or feeling a vague sense of dread that colors everything in your day.

That's because financial stress triggers the same fight-or-flight response in your brain as physical danger.

Your body doesn't distinguish between "a bear is chasing me" and "I don't know how I'll make rent." Both situations flood your system with cortisol and adrenaline.

But here's the problem—when you're running from a bear, the threat eventually ends. Money worries? These bad boys can feel endless, keeping your nervous system in a state of perpetual alert.

Of course, it doesn’t help that we compare our messy lives to curated Instagram reels, eat up the chaotic buffet that is the news, serving up one crazy headline after another.

We replay stories in our minds of how things could have been, or should be by now. How if we could just have $XYZ in the bank, we would finally be happy and truly healed.

For anyone struggling financially, your financial situation is real and your worries are absolutely valid, but the kick is; you are not your financial situation.

Let me rephrase; your financial situation does not define who you are as a person.

I cannot give you financial advice (obviously), but what I can do is help you make a mindset shift to help your mental health grow. Not by ‘fixing’ yourself because you’re not a broken record, but in the same way muscles grow - through care, practice, setbacks and time.

Start Noticing Your Internal Dialogue Around Money.

Is it harsh? Critical? Fear-based? Most likely. See if you can replace this internal bully with something more compassionate, like: I’m doing the best I can with what I have right now.

Cliché I know, but self-awareness is like a window you can open – fresh air and perspective flow in, even if the rooms messy.

Does the situation suck? A big fat YES, it does. Will changing your internal dialogue with more compassion make it suck less? Practice this consistently for the next 30 days and find out.

Start noticing your internal dialogue around money.

Accept The Pain of ‘Financial Insecurity’ And Engage It.

The sucker punch truth in life is that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional (let this sink in for a moment). What matters is the meaning you assign to the pain of being in the red and how you act moving forward.

Understand that when you avoid your pain, you suffer. When you engage it, you grow. Whether you realize this or not, you’re making a choice every day in different areas of your life “to avoid or to engage.”

Like avoiding checking your bank statements due to fear, and not realizing the background subscriptions sipping your finances to death by a thousand $9.99s. And how this can cause both mental and financial suffering.

But engaging the pain honestly and thoughtfully allows you to; notice what’s actually going on, analyze what else can be done and doing something about it. The act of doing eases you out of self judgement. Because you’re genuinely doing the best you can with what you have right now.

There’s no guarantee that your financial situation will magically change, but avoiding only increases suffering.

Accept the pain of financial insecurity and engage it.

Aim For Improvement not happiness.

When it comes to financial worries, it’s easy to imagine a future where having excess funds is the thing that finally ushers you into eternal happiness.

But we’re not born to be happy all the time and maybe your actions will lead to financial stability or maybe not. The point is to simply do things that you believe will most often create good results.

Happiness isn’t something that is deserved or earned outside yourself. It is created by the simple and constant choice to accept what is. To confront one’s fears and struggles, embrace them rather than fight them.

Aim for improvement not happiness.

Shift Your Focus

I hate to be the one to say it but ‘obsession with worrying about money’ may seem noble, but what it does is narrow your focus on what you should have. Draining your mental and emotional batteries. Distracting you from the little wrecked, still radiant life that’s right under your nose, waiting to be lived.

Money is necessary obviously, but it doesn’t have to control how we view ourselves and dictate how we find meaning in our lives.

You don’t need money to do something different and add to the richness of your life. Something small like trying a new recipe or a different route on your daily walk.

Something big like re-organizing your living space for a fresh vibe, letting go of the old and unused, making space for the functional and aesthetically pleasing. Volunteering or joining an art class to meet new people.

Basically, it's up to you to get busy living and finding joy in the little things that money can’t buy. This allows you to build resilience and have the confidence that even if things fall apart, you can put pieces back together.

Shift your focus!

The Bottom Line

Life is full of choices and when we choose fear, insecurity and worrying due to our circumstances, we’re also choosing to not feel love, security and joy within ourselves.

If things hurt right now and you’re struggling, it doesn’t mean you’re failing or stuck. It just means you’re in the middle of growth, not the end of it.

I hope you will start noticing your internal dialogue and reframe what doesn’t serve you. Accept the pain and engage it so you can grow. Aim for improvement, not happiness, shift your focus and above all else, adopt a lifestyle of radical self-compassion and self-forgiveness because why not.

As always, keep going, keep growing!

Self-improvement enthusiast, CBT therapist, with 4 years of experience helping people prioritize their mental health and reclaim their lives. Basilia uses her proven system for retraining the mind, offering practical tools that help people become the version of themselves they need to joyfully thrive, not just survive. It's okay to lean on me.

Basilia Frankel

Good Old Therapy I CBT

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