Let me ask you something: When was the last time you went a full hour without checking your phone?

If you're struggling to remember, you're not alone. Research shows that globally on average, people spend about 2hours 20minutes on social media daily. Research has also shown that more time spent on social media is associated with increased loneliness, and nearly 40% of adults admit that social media makes them feel lonely or isolated.

Here's what I've noticed in my therapy practice over the past few years: the clients sitting across from me aren't just dealing with traditional anxiety or depression anymore. They're exhausted from comparing themselves to highlight reels. They're losing sleep doom-scrolling at 2 AM. They're feeling lonelier than ever despite having hundreds of "connections."

Social media promises to bring us closer together, entertain us and even present opportunities for business growth. Yet it comes at a cost, quietly unraveling our mental health, one notification at a time.

But here's the good news: once you understand what's happening, (which you will at the end of this post), you can take your power back, one conscious effort at a time.

What's Really Happening to Your Brain?

The truth is social media platforms aren't designed to make you happy—they're designed to keep you scrolling. Every like, comment and notification triggers a small dopamine hit in your brain, the same neurotransmitter involved in addiction. Your brain starts craving these little rewards, and before you know it, you're reaching for your phone without even thinking about it.

According to a 2024 survey, 35% of adults reported taking an extended break from social media because it was harming their mental health. And this isn't just a small concern—it's impacting millions of us, myself included.

7 Ways Social Media Is Sabotaging Your Life

1. The Comparison Trap Is Destroying Your Self-Worth

You're scrolling through Instagram and it seems like everyone is living their best life. Perfect vacations. Perfect bodies. Perfect relationships. Meanwhile, you're sitting in your sweatpants, Netflix playing in the background, wondering where you went wrong in your life.

Here's the reality: you're comparing your behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel, and believe it or not, everyone is going through life with it’s ups and downs. That friend's "perfect" relationship? They just had a huge fight before that photo. That influencer's "effortless" body? They've been working with trainers, nutritionists, photo editors or maybe even hopped on the Ozempic train.

The cost: Chronic feelings of inadequacy, lowered self-esteem, and the belief that everyone else has figured out life except you.

2. You Can’t Focus on Anything Anymore

Remember when you could sit and read a book for hours? Now you can barely make it through a full article without checking notifications. That's not a coincidence.

Social media trains your brain to expect constant stimulation and rapid dopamine hits. Research indicates that people who use social media excessively often perform worse on mental tasks than those who use it less, because social media demands a lot of attention, making it harder for heavy users to focus and avoid distractions.

The cost: Reduced productivity, inability to engage in deep work and the constant feeling of being mentally scattered.

3. You Feel Lonelier Despite Being ‘Connected’

This is the heartbreaking paradox: we have more ways to "connect" than any generation in history, yet loneliness is at epidemic levels. Why? Because scrolling through feeds isn't connection—it's observation.

Real connection requires vulnerability, presence and depth. Social media offers the illusion of intimacy without any of the actual work. You know what your high school friend had for lunch, but you have no idea what's really happening in their life.

The cost: Deep loneliness, surface-level relationships and the feeling that no one truly knows you.

4. You Can't Sleep Because of Late-Night Scrolling

Studies show that high social media use is significantly associated with sleep disturbance. And it's not just the time spent—it's also the blue light from screens suppresses melatonin production, making it harder to fall asleep.

But there's something else happening too: the emotional activation. You see something upsetting right before bed and suddenly your mind is racing. You compare yourself to someone's vacation photos and increased anxiety kicks in.

The cost: Poor sleep quality, daytime fatigue, and the mental fog that comes from never fully resting.

5. You’re Performing For The Post, Instead of Living

When was the last time you did something without thinking about how it would look on social media? Many of my clients admit they choose experiences based on their "postability" rather than genuine interest.

This means you're not living your life—you're curating it. You're not having experiences—you're documenting them. Your self-worth becomes tied to likes, comments and follower counts. You become less of a person and more of a ‘brand’.

The cost: Loss of authentic self, constant performance anxiety and the exhausting work of maintaining a carefully curated image.

6. Your Peace Is Being Hijacked by Endless Scrolling

There's always something new to see, always another notification, always more content. The apps are designed with infinite scroll specifically to keep you engaged. There's no natural stopping point, no "you've reached the end."

This constant stimulation keeps your nervous system in a state of low-grade activation. You're never truly relaxed because your brain is always anticipating the next ping, the next update, the next thing to see and react to.

The cost: Chronic stress, difficulty being present and the inability to simply be still with yourself.

7. You're Constantly Worried About What Other’s Think

If you're a people-pleaser, social media is your worst nightmare and your favorite drug all at once. Every post becomes a referendum on your likability. Every comment you write gets analyzed for potential offense. You obsessively check who viewed your stories, liked your photo and worry about who didn't.

You find yourself crafting the perfect caption to make sure no one could possibly misinterpret your tone. You avoid posting your real opinions because someone might disagree. You say "happy birthday" to people you barely know because you're terrified of seeming rude. Your entire online presence becomes another exhausting performance of being agreeable, likable, and non-threatening.

The cost: Amplified people-pleasing patterns, constant anxiety about others' perceptions, and the exhausting work of managing everyone's potential reactions to your digital existence.

Get the FREE ebook The People Pleaser's Guide to Freedom

How to Take Your Life Back: Practical Steps

You don't have to delete everything and move to a cabin in the woods (though some days that sounds tempting). But here are realistic ways to reclaim your mental health:

Create boundaries: Set specific times for social media use or take social media breaks. Try the "no phones before 9 AM or after 8 PM" rule. Give your nervous system permission to rest. The world can wait another 30mins/1hr for you to mentally prepare for your day with mindful rituals like Yoga, or sipping your morning coffee in silence, looking outside the window.

Turn off notifications: You don't need to know the second someone likes your post, or responds to your DM. Check on your schedule, not theirs. It’s okay to prioritize presence in your day to day.

Curate your feed: Unfollow accounts that make you feel bad about yourself. Follow accounts that educate, inspire, make you laugh or genuinely add value to your life. This bit you have control over.

Practice real connection: Instead of scrolling, text a friend and actually make plans. Choose video calls over comment threads. Prioritize depth over breadth. At the end of the day, the quality of your life depends heavily on your real life connections.

Track your usage: Use screen time tracking apps like Opal to see the reality of your habits and take action accordingly. You might be shocked by the numbers. What you do with it matters.

Find offline hobbies: Rediscover activities that don't involve screens. Read physical books. Take walks without your phone. Draw on paper. Create something with your hands. Get busy living or at least try.

Make time for yourself: Constant stimulation from phones, tv, music in the headphones can be draining. Allow yourself to just be by scheduling quiet time. Have a time in the day where you disconnect, sit with yourself and your thoughts for 2 minutes, then 5, 10, or as long as you can manage overtime. You'd be surprised at what you find.

What's On The Other Side?

On the other side of setting boundaries with social media is a life we've forgotten exists. It's reduced stimulation for your mind/body and presence in your day to day life. It's renewed relationships, where you see, support and share your life experiences with the people that matter the most. Because life is short and goes by fast.

It's clarity to think and make objective choices in the direction you want your life to go. It's immense gratitude for the life you have, and genuine appreciation for how far you've come in your journey, despite the inevitable challenges.

Social media can be a nice tool for whatever purpose, but it shouldn't run the show of your life. Taking back this control in small ways can be wildly liberating.

The Invitation to Come Home to Yourself

Here's what I want you to know: you're not weak for struggling with social media. These platforms are designed by the smartest behavioral psychologists in the world to be addictive. You're not failing—you're up against billion-dollar algorithms specifically engineered to capture your attention.

But you have more power than you think. Every time you choose presence over scrolling, every time you set a boundary with technology, every time you prioritize real connection over digital performance—you're reclaiming your life.

Your worth isn't measured in likes. Your life isn't less valuable because it's not perfectly curated. Your experiences are real even if they're never posted.

You deserve peace. You deserve genuine connection. You deserve to be fully present in your own life.

What if you started today? I stay rooting for you.

Self-improvement enthusiast, CBT therapist, with 4 years of experience helping people prioritize their mental health and reclaim their lives. Basilia uses her proven system for retraining the mind, offering practical tools that help people become the version of themselves they need to joyfully thrive, not just survive. It's okay to lean on me.

Basilia Frankel

Good Old Therapy I CBT

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