As this year comes to a close, I've been thinking a lot about what it taught me. Not the big, Instagram-worthy moments—but the quiet realizations that shifted how I see myself, other people, and what actually matters.

Some lessons came easy. Others arrived wrapped in disappointment, conflict, or those 2 AM realizations that make you question everything with a pinch of dread. But all of them? Worth holding onto.

If you're feeling the weight of this past year or wondering what to carry forward into the next one, I hope these resonate. Join me as I unpack the lessons the past year taught me:

1. Managing Expectations Is the Secret to Inner Peace

This one I learned the hard way: most of my stress wasn't coming from what actually happened—it was coming from the gap between what I expected and what reality delivered.

I expected people to show up the way I would; with a listening ear and no ulterior motives. I expected situations to unfold logically. I expected my effort to guarantee specific outcomes; like working out and expecting to lose all the post pregnancy weight before baby’s first birthday. And when reality didn't match my mental script? I was disappointed, frustrated, with the occasional arrrggghhhh moments.

But when I prioritized managing my expectations—lowering them where needed, releasing them completely in other areas—something shifted. Life became calmer. Less dramatic (especially in my head). More spacious.

Expecting less doesn't mean settling. It means staying open to what is, rather than being rigid about what should be. And that flexibility? It's where peace lives.

2. Some People Are Mirrors, Not Anchors

Not everyone who enters your life is meant to stay. (Accepting this one was a sucker punch for me). Some people show up specifically to reflect back the parts of yourself that still need attention, healing, or growth.

That friend who triggered your people-pleasing patterns? They weren't the problem—they were showing you where your boundaries were weak. That relationship that brought up all your abandonment fears? It was spotlighting old wounds that needed tending.

These people aren't villains. They're mirrors. And once you see what they're reflecting, their purpose in your life is often complete.

I know we hate to lose things, but it's okay to let people go. Not everyone is meant to walk the whole journey with you, and that doesn't diminish what you shared. Some chapters end so new ones can begin.

[Ready to feel better, and thrive not just survive? Download the FREE Mental Health Goals Worksheet today! (Printable)]

3. Family Can Be Your Biggest Stressor—And That's When Boundaries Matter Most

This one's hard to say out loud, but it's true: sometimes the people we're supposed to be closest to are the ones who stress us out the most.

Family dynamics are complicated. Parents never change, siblings fight, extended family don’t really care. There's history, obligation, guilt, and unspoken rules about how things "should" be.

But here's what I learned this year—you're allowed to set boundaries; especially with family. You're allowed to protect your peace, even if it disappoints people you love.

Boundaries aren't about punishing anyone. They're about creating space for the relationship to exist without draining you. They're about showing up as your authentic self rather than the version your family expects.

Setting boundaries with family feels uncomfortable because we're taught that family is everything. But family should add to your life, not subtract from your wellbeing. And if it's doing the latter, boundaries aren't optional—they're essential.

4. Quality Over Quantity in Friendships Always Wins

In the last 5 years, I’ve lived in 4 countries and I always felt like my life was missing something in the friendship department. I thought having a lot of friends meant I was doing something right. The more people in my life, the more loved and supported I must be, right?

Wrong.

This year taught me that a handful of real, genuine, show-up-when-it-matters friends who live around the world, is worth infinitely more than a crowd of surface-level connections, who only reach out when they need something.

Real friends celebrate your wins without jealousy. They tell you the truth even when it's uncomfortable. They show up during the messy, unglamorous moments—not just for the highlight reel.

I'd rather have three people I can call at 2 AM to rant, than thirty people who only know the version of me I perform on social media, or at outings. I’m no longer measuring my relationships based on what I can tolerate from people, but on the mutual effort we put towards our relationship.

Quality friendships require effort, vulnerability, and reciprocity. But they're the ones that actually sustain you.

[Your mental health needs deserve to be met and the FREE Mental Health Goals Worksheet is a great start! (Printable)]

5. Understanding Your Mind Changes Everything

The greatest gift you can give yourself is learning how your own mind works. Not just what you think, but why you think it. Not just what you feel, but where those feelings come from.

When you understand your patterns—your triggers, your distortions, your default responses—you gain the power to choose differently. You can keep what serves you and release what doesn't.

For a long time, my default was to try to make excuses for people’s behaviors because I try to see it from their perspective and be understanding. But there’s a line between being understanding, people-pleasing, or letting people pick at your boundaries like it’s a buffet.

I’ve learned to question my excuses and see things objectively like a third party. Getting feedback from people I trust gives me the perspective I need to choose differently and see people for what they show me by their actions.

Maybe you catastrophize because your childhood wasn't safe, so your brain learned to prepare for worst-case scenarios. Maybe you people-please because love felt conditional growing up. Maybe you self-sabotage because part of you doesn't believe you deserve good things.

Understanding these patterns doesn't excuse them, but it does give you compassion for yourself. And from that compassion comes the ability to slowly, gently, change them.

Therapy, journaling, self-reflection—whatever helps you understand your inner world—is never wasted time. It's the most important work you'll ever do.

6. Life Is What You Make of It—Starting With Your Self-Talk

Here's the uncomfortable truth: the story you tell yourself about your life becomes your reality.

If you wake up every day thinking "nothing ever works out for me," you'll find evidence to support that belief. If you interpret every setback as proof that you're not good enough, that becomes your truth.

But what if you changed the narrative? What if instead of "this always happens to me," you said "this is hard, but I'm learning"? What if instead of "I'm not where I should be," you said "I'm exactly where I need to be right now"?

Life is what you make of it, and it starts with how you interpret your experiences. You get to choose whether you're the victim of your story, or the author who's still writing it.

Your self-talk matters. Be careful what you're telling yourself—because you're listening.

7. Stay Close to Your Sunshine People

You know those people who make you feel more alive just by being around them? The ones who boost your energy, spark your creativity, and remind you who you are when you've forgotten?

Those are your sunshine people. And this year taught me: don't take them for granted.

Life gets busy. With messages left on read and an endless supply of distractions, friendships can drift. But the people who feel like sunshine deserve your effort. Make the plans. Send the text. Show up. Invest in those relationships because they're rare and more precious than gold.

These are the people who see the best in you, who champion your growth, who make life feel fuller and brighter. Stay close to them. Prioritize them. Because at the end of your life, it won't be your productivity or accomplishments you remember most—it'll be the people who made you feel alive.

[Ready to feel better? Download the FREE Mental Health Goals Worksheet today! (Printable)]

Bonus: Show Yourself Some Grace

Here's the thing nobody tells you enough: you haven't done this life before. You're figuring it out as you go, making mistakes, learning, unlearning, growing, and sometimes falling apart before you put yourself back together again like a puzzle.

There is no finish line to personal growth. No point where you've "arrived" and have it all figured out. And that's not a flaw—that's the whole point. The journey is the destination.

So when you mess up, when you fall back into old patterns, when you don't handle something as well as you hoped—show yourself some grace. You're learning. You're human. You're doing better than you think.

Moving Into the New Year

As we step into 2026, I want you to know something: you don't need to have everything figured out. You don't need a perfect plan or a flawless execution. You just need to keep showing up for yourself with honesty, curiosity, and compassion.

Carry forward what served you. Release what weighed you down. Set boundaries that protect your peace. Invest in relationships that feel like home. Keep learning about yourself. And above all, be gentle with yourself along the way.

The new year isn't about becoming someone completely different. It's about becoming more fully yourself—the version of you that's been waiting beneath all the expectations, fears and old stories.

That version of you? They're already here. They've been here all along.

Now it's just about giving them permission to take up space.

Here's to carrying forward what matters, releasing what doesn't, and stepping into this new year with a little more wisdom, a lot more grace and the courage to keep growing.

You've got this. And I'm rooting for you every step of the way.

Self-improvement enthusiast, CBT therapist, with 4 years of experience helping people prioritize their mental health and reclaim their lives. Basilia uses her proven system for retraining the mind, offering practical tools that help people become the version of themselves they need to joyfully thrive, not just survive. It's okay to lean on me.

Basilia Frankel

Good Old Therapy I CBT

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