I don't know who needs to hear this but; Anxiety is a normal part of being a human being. It is our innate response to perceived danger.

Your body responds to the perceived sense of danger with increased heart beat, stomach churns and you become more alert - leading to you adjusting your behaviour to protect yourself.

For context, it's that feeling you get when you're walking alone through a dim lit, shady neighbourhood at night, or that weird feeling before your first job interview, after being unemployed for a while with a handful of rejections to your name; all totally normal.

But the reason why you struggle with anxiety is because at some point, something triggers your normal anxiety to increase or get out of hand. It's when everyday non-threatening activities, thoughts or even people start to increase your anxiety, causing you to feel nervous, tense, jittery and in extreme cases, lead to a full blown panic attack (yikes!).

The Anxiety Formula

The intensity of our anxiety is based on the thoughts we have about any given situation and how well we think we can handle it.

The anxiety formula: Anxiety intensity = how likely and severe we think the danger is + how well we think we can cope with it.

Using the example above, Anxiety intensity by being alone in a shady neighborhood = how likely you think the danger is, like if there are a bunch of young men in a dark corner + how well you think you can cope, like if you have a pepper spray on hand or nothing to defend yourself.

Increased anxiety often starts with negative thoughts aka hot thoughts. Some examples of hot thoughts could be;

• "What if I get attacked and don't make it home safely?"

• "What if I get robbed?"

• "I'll never get this job"

• "I'll never be good enough"

• "Everyone at this interview thinks I'm stupid"

However, negative thoughts are often triggered by events that happen to us, cognitive distortions we learned in the past, or our core beliefs about ourselves.

Some examples of trigger events could be: failing at something, making a mistake and feeling embarrassed about it, having a negative outcome.

Cognitive Distortions

Say hello to cognitive distortions; our perceived way of seeing things which is often biased and inaccurate. They play a major role in increasing anxiety because it's something our brain does automatically without realizing. Some cognitive distortions include: (see if you recognize a few you're guilty of)

Catastrophizing: when we imagine the worst case scenario in any given situation and start feeding off the fear.

For example; when going in for a job interview, you imagine you won't get the job and you start freaking out

All-or-nothing thinking: you view everything as entirely good or entirely bad: If you don’t do something perfectly, you’ve failed.

For example; because you didn't answer one question perfectly in your job interview, you see yourself as a total failure who will never get the job.

Comparative thinking: you compare yourself to others and feel inferior, even though the comparison may be unrealistic.

For example; you compare yourself to a celebrity you follow on social media who is super successful at just 20 years old. You start feeling miserable even though realistically, this is not the norm and has nothing to do with you or your future.

Overgeneralization: you see a single negative event as part of a pattern.

For example, because you were late to work one time and got reprimanded by your boss, you tell yourself, you'll always be late.

Mental filtering: You see only the negative aspects of any experience and ignore the positives.

For example; you had a lovely night out with friends and got lots of compliments, but you only focus on the negative feelings from the drink you spilled by mistake.

Fortune telling: You predict that things will turn out badly.

For example; you predict you'll never settle down and start a family, because you're 30 years old and still single.

Minimization and magnification: You downplay your achievements, while exaggerating the significance of minor problems

For example; you downplay your success in starting your own company, while exaggerating the significance of a client refusing to pay your new rate.

“Should” statements: You focus on how things should be, leading to severe self-criticism as well as feelings of resentment toward yourself and others.

For example; "I should be rich by now" "I should be married" "I should have been understanding instead of breaking up"

Mind reading: You think you know what people think about you or something you’ve done — and it’s always bad.

For example; you think your friend hates your new boyfriend because she's still single, even though she didn't say so or behave in a way that implied it.

Personalization: You blame yourself for negative events and ignore the responsibility of others.

For example; "it's my fault he cheated on me" "she ghosted me because I refused to lie for her"

Assuming: You assume that your negative feelings reflect reality.

For example; feeling bad about your eating habits means youI'll get overweight and die from a heart attack.

The truth is we cannot banish anxiety to the abyss, because we need it to survive. But what we can do is reduce anxiety, so we can feel more balanced and in control.

Before we explore the ways CBT therapy can help you overcome increased, out of hand anxiety, lets understand what CBT is in the first place.

What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)?

CBT therapy is 'talk therapy' founded on the belief that our thoughts influence our emotions, which in turn affects our behaviours.

For example: if you think to yourself "I'm not good enough," this thought may cause you to feel bad about yourself, shameful, regretful, which then causes you to engage in behaviours like; sleeping all day, watching tv to distract yourself from feeling bad, endlessly scrolling on TikTok just to numb the pain, escape or pacify yourself.

CBT therapy works by teaching us to become more self aware of our default thought patterns, so we can develop healthy response techniques to challenge negative thoughts, reframe them and take away the power they typically have over us. Practice makes us better overtime and this leads to more positive/productive behaviours and outcomes.

How can Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) Help with Anxiety?

The great news is there is hope! Below you will find several ways CBT therapy can help you manage increased anxiety effectively, so you can feel more balanced and like yourself again:

1. Mindfulness and thought defusion:

   This is the technique of getting out of your head and into the present moment. Mindfulness means paying attention to something in the present with interest rather than judgement.

   For example: If the hot thought comes to your head "I'm so stupid, I'll never succeed at anything". You immediately become mindfully more aware of your environment and look upon things with interest rather than judgement.

   'What can you smell?' 'Notice the decor in your apartment' 'Observe other people on the train with you' etc. This technique distracts you from your thoughts and helps you to be more present, because all we'll ever have is right now anyway right?.

   Thought defusion means being aware of your thoughts without engaging them or developing emotional attachment to them.

   When hot thoughts come, we start to feel bad only when we engage the thought by accepting it, validating it and finding evidence in our lives to support it. But if we choose to not engage it, we render the hot thought powerless and our emotions remain neutral.

2. Focusing on the evidence/facts of the situation:

   If for example you see your partner talking to a member of the opposite sex at a social gathering and you find yourself thinking "my partner doesn't love me" "he's definitely cheating on me". These hot thoughts could seem valid in the moment and cause you to have an uncomfortable experience at the party and even start a fight on the way home.

   But if in that moment you choose to focus on the evidence/facts of the situation, you could think to yourself; "My partner is married to me and I know they respect our commitment to one another" "we've been together for 7 years and my partner has been honest so far, their actions match their words so I have no reason to worry" "socialising is healthy and it's okay for my partner to have a good time."

   Grounding your thoughts in the facts of the situation helps you overcome those negative thoughts and go about your day.

3. Cognitive restructuring

   This is the process of consciously replacing negative/hot thoughts with positive thoughts.

   When you have a negative thought like "You're not good enough" and you start searching for mistakes from your past to validate this thought, it leads to negative emotions and you lose motivation to work towards your goals.

   However, replacing the negative thought with positive affirmations like "I'm learning, I'm doing the best I can and that's enough ", helps you have some compassion on yourself which sparks feelings of hope, motivating you to keep putting in the effort to achieve your goals.

Which skills will you start practicing ASAP?

Conclusion:

Anxiety is not the bad guy, increased anxiety is. If you're struggling, the great news is you can reduce your anxiety using CBT therapy techniques like; mindfulness, cognitive restructuring, focusing on the facts and by applying a hefty dose of self compassion every time those pesky hot thoughts rear their ugly head.

Of course the journey towards managing anxiety won't happen overnight. But practice in implementing the above mentioned steps, will condition your mind to respond automatically and you'll notice yourself become better overtime.

Consistently making the effort, being patient and having some compassion on yourself when things don't go our way, is key to making progress in managing anxiety..