Have you ever felt like your thoughts are playing tricks on you?

Maybe you’ve convinced yourself that one bad date means you’ll never find love. Or you’ve dismissed a compliment at work because your brain whispered; “They didn’t really mean it.” Or perhaps you’ve avoided trying something new because you were certain it would go wrong—even though you had zero proof.

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. While these thoughts may feel rational, even protective, often they’re not facts—they're filters. These filters are called cognitive biases, and they quietly shape how we view ourselves, others and the world around us.

Cognitive biases aren't character flaws or signs of weakness. They're universal human experiences, hardwired into our thinking patterns. Understanding them isn't about becoming a perfectly rational being (spoiler alert: that's impossible), but about developing a kinder, more aware relationship with your own mind which can be life-changing. So, let’s unpack them together—with gentleness, curiosity and a few helpful CBT tools.

What Are Cognitive Biases?

Cognitive biases are mental shortcuts (called heuristics) that our brains take to process information quickly. Think of it as your brain trying to be helpful. They’re like mental habits—automatic, efficient and often unconscious. But while these filters may help us make sense of the world, they can also lead us to distorted thinking, inaccurate conclusions and even self-sabotage, yikes!

Think of these filters as smudged lenses over your eyes. The world is still there—but your perception is just a little off.

Common cognitive biases that show up in everyday life

Here are a few you might recognize:

1. Confirmation Bias

You seek out or interpret information that supports what you already believe.

Example: You think people don’t like you, so you only notice when someone doesn’t smile at you, ignoring all the warmth from others.

Mental health impact: reinforces negative self beliefs, maintains stress and increase in anxiety.

2. Catastrophizing (Fortune telling)

You imagine the worst-case scenario, no matter how ridiculous or unlikely.

Example: You make a small mistake at work and instantly think you’re getting fired.

Mental health impact: Fuels anxiety disorders and panic attacks

3. All-or-Nothing Thinking

You see things in black and white, with no room for nuance.

Example: “I didn’t exercise today, I’m lazy and a failure”.

Mental health impact: Contributes to perfectionism, depression and anxiety

4. Overgeneralization

You take one experience and apply it to everything.

Example: You had one bad therapy session, so now you think “therapy just doesn’t work for me.”

Mental health impact: Reinforces mood disorders and irrational fears.

5. Mind Reading

You assume you know what others are thinking—and it’s usually negative.

Example: A friend doesn’t text back right away, and you assume they’re mad at you. Or you think; "Everyone thinks I'm stupid" without any evidence.

Mental health impact: Increases social anxiety and fosters relationship problems

6. Personalization and Blame

You take things personal and blame yourself for anything that goes wrong
Example: Blaming yourself when your child struggles in school: "It's all my fault"

Mental health impact: Contributes to guilt, shame, and low self-esteem

7. Should Statements (Tyranny of Shoulds)

You set impossible standards for yourself and punish yourself for being human
Example: "I should always be happy" or "I should never feel angry"

Mental health impact: Creates unrealistic expectations and chronic dissatisfaction

How do these biases develop and impact our lives?

Cognitive biases aren’t flaws—they’re survival tools developed thousands of years ago. Our ancestors who quickly assumed that a rustling bush might contain a predator and reacted instantly, were more likely to survive than those who stopped to carefully analyze the situation. The problem however, is that our modern challenges rarely involve life-or-death decisions, yet our brains still react as if they do.

Your brain wants to protect you, so it creates shortcuts based on past experiences, fears, and beliefs. Over time, these shortcuts become automatic. But while they may have once helped you feel safe, these survival tools have gotten a little outdated. They can limit your growth, your confidence and your joy.

Think of it like this: your brain is trying to drive you somewhere based on an old map. It means well, but the terrain has changed—and it's time to update the directions.

Consider Joyce, a marketing professional who received mixed feedback on a presentation. Automatically, her negativity bias latched onto the one critical comment while dismissing five positive ones. This triggered catastrophic thinking: "I'm going to get fired," which led to all-or-nothing thinking: "I'm either brilliant or completely incompetent." Within hours, what started as constructive feedback became evidence of her professional inadequacy.

Or take Marcus, who sees friends posting about their achievements on Instagram. His comparison bias kicks in, making him believe everyone else is living their best life, advancing faster in their careers and hitting life’s textbook milestones. This creates a confirmation bias where he only notices stories that support this belief, ignoring counter-examples of people who struggled or took different paths to success.

These patterns don't just affect our mood – they influence our decisions, relationships, and life trajectory. They can keep us from taking healthy risks, pursuing opportunities, or maintaining balanced perspectives on our experiences.

Could biases be holding you back? Questions for self-reflection

Take a moment to gently explore your own thinking patterns. There's no judgment here – just curiosity:

• When you receive feedback, which comments stick with you longer: the positive or negative ones? What does this tell you about your mental filters?

• Think about a recent time you felt anxious about a future event. What story did your mind create about what "might" happen? How often did reality match your predictions?

• When you compare yourself to others, what specific areas trigger the strongest reactions? Career success? Relationships? Physical appearance? What might this reveal about your values and insecurities?

• Can you identify times when you've made assumptions about others' intentions without having complete information? How did this affect your interactions?

• Reflect on a recent decision you made. What information did you focus on, and what did you potentially overlook?

Pause. Journal. Reflect. Awareness is always the first step.

Breaking free: Practical CBT strategies for daily life, to challenge cognitive biases

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) gives us a practical roadmap to untangle these mental loops and work with the biases, not against them. The goal isn't to eliminate them entirely, but to recognize when they're helpful versus when they're holding us back. Here are a few ways you can start rewriting your thought patterns:

1. Notice and name the bias

Start by simply observing your thoughts without judgment and label the thought. “Ah, that’s catastrophizing” or “There’s my all-or-nothing thinking again.” Naming helps you create distance from the thought.

2. Check the evidence

Challenge your thoughts like a curious scientist. If you think "everyone else has it all figured out," ask yourself:

"What evidence supports this? What evidence contradicts it?" "What would I tell a friend who thought this?"

You might realize you're comparing your internal struggles to others' external presentations.

3. Reframe the thoughts with a hefty dose of compassion

Swap harsh thoughts with balanced ones, by speaking to yourself as you would to a dear friend facing the same situation. This counters self-criticism and promotes more balanced thinking.

In relationships, you might catch yourself mind-reading ("She's angry at me"), instead practice direct communication: "I noticed you seemed quiet today. Is everything okay?" At work, instead of assuming one mistake defines your competence, try thinking: "This is one data point among many in my overall performance."

Practice will make you better at it!

4. Put your assumptions to the test

Feelings follow actions and a great way to challenge cognitive biases is to test your assumptions. If you believe you're bad at socializing, try going out with your friends to the gathering anyway. Often, reality is far less catastrophic than our biases predict.

Evidence will update the bias over time and set you free.

5. Create new mental habits

Choose a daily thought to practice, like:

“I don’t have to believe everything I think.”

“I can challenge my inner critic.”

“There’s more than one way to see this.”

Apply this across other areas of your life —relationships, work, self-image. Biases don’t disappear overnight, but they can lose their grip over you with gentle, consistent awareness.

6. Try the 10-10-10 Rule:

When anxiety strikes, ask yourself: "Will this matter in 10 minutes? 10 months? 10 years?" This helps put situations in perspective and reduces catastrophic thinking.

How therapy can support your journey

While self-awareness is powerful, sometimes we need additional support to identify and shift deeply ingrained patterns—in childhood, trauma, or years of criticism. That’s where therapy can help.

A compassionate therapist can guide you to uncover hidden thought patterns, challenge them safely, and replace them with healthier, more empowering beliefs personalized for your specific challenges.

Therapy provides a safe space to explore these patterns without judgment and offers evidence-based techniques tailored to your unique situation.

Sometimes an outside perspective can help us see patterns we're too close to recognize ourselves. Additionally, a therapist can help you distinguish between thoughts that deserve attention and those that are just mental noise.

The therapeutic relationship itself can be healing, offering a corrective emotional experience where you're met with understanding rather than criticism as you explore your inner world.

Think of it as emotional strength training. You’re not broken—you’re growing.

A gentle reminder: You deserve clearer vision

Cognitive biases are human. We all have them. But they don’t have to run the show. Remember, recognizing cognitive biases isn't about being rational 100% of the time, or never having negative thoughts again. It's about developing a more compassionate and aware relationship with your mind.

You're not broken, and you don't need fixing. You're a human being with a human brain that's doing its best to help you navigate a complex world.

The more you become aware of your mental habits, the more power you have to shift them. Not with judgment, but with curiosity, kindness and the belief that you’re allowed to rewrite the stories you tell yourself.

So the next time a thought shows up that tells you you're not enough, not ready, or not capable—pause. Ask if it's truth… or just an old bias trying to keep you small.

You are allowed to challenge it.

You are allowed to choose a different thought.

You’re allowed to see situations from multiple perspectives.

You are allowed to grow.

Be patient with yourself as you practice these new ways of thinking. Change takes time, and every moment of awareness is a step toward greater freedom and peace of mind. You deserve the same kindness you'd offer your closest friend, especially as you embark on this journey of understanding your own beautiful, complex mind.

And I’m rooting for you every step of the way.

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